My Story

My journey to health and wellness. How I overcame body image issues, negative self-talk, & obsessive dieting and exercising. 

I HAVEN'T ALWAYS CARED ABOUT HEALTH

My journey to health and wellness started by accident, has taken lots of different twists and turns, and finally has landed me here - to sharing everything with you. 

At the start I didn't know the first thing about nutrition, exercise, or mental health. I didn't know which foods were high in protein, rich in fiber, or full of antioxidants, because I didn't really care. I was the typical girl on the elliptical for 45 minutes, and then doing crunches and sit-ups on the floor for 10 minutes and calling it a success. The first time I ever stepped foot in a real gym was with my dad and he spent the entire session just showing me around teaching me how to adjust and use all the machines. I was the type of person who always skipped the meditation part of yoga because it just made me sleepy. 

I'm not a fitness model, yoga guru, or hippie health expert...but I've been through a shit load of trial and error to find a place of health, happiness, and acceptance of my body. I want to share with you what I've learned so that you don't have to wait so long and work so hard to find a place of joy.  

I've learned that healthy eating doesn't have to feel like a punishment and exercise doesn't have to totally suck. Moving my body, quieting my mind, and nourishing my soul are things that I genuinely enjoy doing every day and I want to share my methods with you! 

So let's get into the details about how I ended up here...

HOW IT ALL STARTED

I've always been an active person, but growing up I never really knew the importance of healthy foods and balanced living. I don't think my "diet" could even be called a diet because it wasn't something I ever thought about. Like most kids I ate without rules or restrictions and that meant eating pretty much everything - bread, pasta, meat, veggies, fruits, juice, milk, eggs, cheese, sweets, you name it. And at first it wasn't so bad because I was running on a lightening-speed teenage metabolism, but the problem was the lack of balance to it. I thought that as long as I wasn't seeing physical changes in my body I could just feed it whatever my taste buds asked me for, which sometimes meant an Eggo waffle with whipped cream and chocolate syrup on top.

As an adult I've had my fair share of indulgences, weight gain, fad diets, and useless workout routines.

My second year of university was when I first started to notice the effects of my freelance eating and college drinking habits. I told myself I wanted to lose 5 pounds. Then the next year I said 10. And then after studying abroad, travelling and eating my way through Europe, I said 30.

I vividly remember standing in the bathroom of my parents' house a few days after arriving home, staring at myself in the mirror with tears in my eyes. I couldn't believe it was me. I sucked it in, tried every angle and every pose imaginable but I couldn't escape the horrible voice in my head.

"I'm fat. I'm so fat. How did this happen? How did I not notice? God, what was I eating? I should have been exercising more. That's it, I'm going on a diet. No carbs, no sweets. I can't go back to school like this. Workouts every day. Twice a day if I have to. And running, lots of running." 

OBSESSIVE TRAINING & DIETING

That summer I was interning in Chicago and I thought it was just the escape I needed. Three months - enough time to whip myself into shape before school started again. Turns out, those 3 months were actually the most toxic months of my life. I was alone, depressed, and obsessing over my body. I cut out all carbs and sweets from my diet and was training for 60-90 minutes in the gym nearly everyday. I ate oatmeal for breakfast and salads for lunch for the entire summer. I weighed myself constantly, and even paid a nutritionist/PT who told me I couldn't lose weight because I was eating too much fruit. By the end of the summer I had lost 2 pounds.

I went back to school for my senior year, and being surrounded by friends and fun activities all the time put me in the best mood. I was motivated to start over and get serious about getting in shape. Over the course of the year I tried an impressive amount of diets - low carb, no carb, low sugar, high protein, macro tracking, and even a short stint of paleo. I tried a variety of workouts - cardio, weights, TRX, resistance training, spinning and boxing. I took progress pictures, recorded my weight and body measurements, counted calories, tracked my steps, and at one point even wore a waist trainer (ugh).

WHY I WASN'T SEEING RESULTS

After so much effort I lost somewhere around 5 pounds, but I still wasn't happy. No matter what I did it just felt like nothing was working. And the more I restricted myself the more I would binge on the weekends and then feel guilty. I was exhausted, physically and mentally. I had never thought about something more times in a day than I thought about my body and food. The scale ruled my world, and the number it told me each day dictated how I felt about myself. 

Looking back now I realise that the main reason I wasn't seeing results was because I was so obsessed with seeing results. I was constantly comparing myself to others, nitpicking every flaw, and telling myself I'd only be happy "when ____."  I put my body under so much stress by under-eating, overtraining, binging, and not sleeping enough. I also put my mind under a lot of pressure always thinking about food, calculating calories, and feeling guilty.

HOW I FINALLY FOUND A PLACE OF HAPPINESS & SELF-LOVE

I wish I could pin point the exact moment I was able to break free from that horrible space of judging myself and believing I was less, but I can't. All I can tell you is that I have, and it's my mission to help anyone who might be stuck there right now. I want you to know there is a way out.

The past couple years have been a journey to discovering the best ways to live well, eat well, and be well. Through yoga and meditation I was able to reduce the stress and pressure I felt about body image and begin to heal myself from the inside out. I read books and articles and watched documentaries. I tried different cookbooks and E-books to find healthy foods that taste amazing, and sweet-tooth substitutes for the naughty snacks and desserts I can't live without. I made time for taking care of myself and I told myself nice things. It sounds simple on paper, but I'm the first to admit that it's not. I'll also admit that I'm not perfect (none of us are). I still have days where I compare, stress, or get off track. 

But the point is not to be perfect, it's to be happy - to move in a direction that feels like upward, to give and receive positivity, and to love yourself because you are the only you in the whole wide world and you're freaking awesome.

I'm no professional, just a normal girl who's passionate about healing foods, happy bodies, and high vibrations. I'm also not a doctor so I can't tell you exactly what's right for your body, but I want to share what has worked well for mine. 

This isn't about being skinny, growing your butt, or eating for a bikini body - I simply want to share recipes, activities, and mindsets that have helped me become a happier, healthier me.

Thanks for stopping by and reading my story. If you enjoyed it or it has inspired you in any way please leave me a comment below & help support my blog.