Moving to Europe: The Thing that Almost Held Me Back

A SHORT STORY ABOUT MY LIFE AND A LITTLE ADVICE TO ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR HEART

I remember when I first made the decision in my own mind that I was going to move to Europe. I decided this for myself long before I told anyone, not even close friends or family members. And when I look back on the way that I guarded that decision for several months and kept it all to myself I can’t help but think about why. And you might be thinking the same thing, “Why would you hide the fact that you’ve decided to move to Spain? Isn’t that so exciting? What a cool experience, I’m sure tons of people dream of moving to Europe after graduation.”

Now that I’ve lived here for over 2 years, done lots of self-work and discovered so many things about myself I can reflect back on that decision and honestly say it’s because I was scared out of my mind. I was scared because I knew my parents would be both disappointed in me and devastated at the distance between us. (Sorry mom and dad for perpetually moving to far away places, I promise I’ll come home someday) I was scared because I had to turn down a job offer in Chicago, a place I had always dreamed of living. I was scared because I thought people would judge me for going off to “teach English” after graduating from a great school with a degree completely unrelated to education. Because I knew I wasn’t going to make hardly any money. Because I didn’t know if my long-distance relationship with my boyfriend would hold up once we were finally living in the same city. Because I knew none of my friends could afford to come visit me and I’d be friendless in a foreign country.

As much as I knew in my heart that it was the right decision, I was scared shitless. So I didn’t tell anyone. I researched programs, applied for teaching positions and had Skype interviews for months without telling my family my plans for after graduation. I even travelled from Columbus to Chicago by myself for an in-person interview with one of the Spanish teaching programs I had applied to. I didn’t tell anyone – especially not my parents. Only my roommates knew that I was driving there and staying with a girl I knew for the weekend so that I could do the interview on Monday morning and come straight back to school.

I kept interviewing for marketing positions in the states just to be safe, but my heart wasn’t fully in it. I look back on that time now and can see that despite the certainty that I felt in my gut there was a certain level of shame mixed in with it. I knew what I was about to do was risky and unpopular and I guess that made me somewhat embarrassed. No one else was packing up and shipping off to other countries for poverty level pay. Everyone I knew was accepting entry-level jobs in corporate America with cushy starting salaries and the excitement of new cities, apartments and friends. What if it didn’t work out? What if I came home in a year and everyone else had gotten promoted and were living glamorous yo-pro lifestyles while I had spent all my savings on travels and was still buried in student loans?

These doubts were hard to block out and they’d swallow up all my excitement for the future in a nanosecond. Fear would creep in and consume my thoughts nearly everyday. I’d go between being totally pumped about my adventurous new chapter in life, to completely fearful. And it almost stopped me from taking the leap towards one of the best experiences of my life.

I had to find a way to hack into my brain and stop those fearful thoughts from taking over, so I tried flipping the script on the narrative I’d been telling myself. I asked myself, “And what if I stay? What if I accept this job in Chicago and find a trendy little apartment and just start my life there. It could potentially be really awesome and fun. But in a year’s time will I hate waking up and dragging myself to work everyday?”

Probably.

“Will I have lost my relationship with someone I love because distance got too hard?”

Maybe.

“Will I regret not taking a chance on life and following my dream?”

Definitely.

And that was that. I decided that the risk was worth the reward and I didn’t want to live a life of ‘what ifs’. So I turned down my job offers, broke the news to my family, and packed my life into a few suitcases. And that’s how I ended up here - in my cozy apartment in Madrid with my boyfriend and my dog writing this story.

I guess the whole point of this reflection is to remind you not to let your fears control your life. Be scared, we all are, it shows you’re human. But have the courage to look at those fears and choose not to let them effect the decisions you make going forward. If you have a dream for your life - somewhere you want to live, a new career you want to pursue, a business you want to start, a trip you want to take, a product you want to create – don’t let the opinions of other people or the voice inside your head talk you out of it.

Be strong in your desires and bold enough to see them through, or to at least try. We’ve all heard this advice before and it’s easy to let it slip in one ear and out the other, but I want you to really hear it this time. I don’t want you to sit at your desk and think, “Wow, she’s right. I should quit this job I hate” or “I should move to that city and pursue that goal” And then immediately click off this tab and go back to doing the same exact shit you do everyday that makes up your current reality.

YOU have the power to change your circumstances, revamp your life, and start living your dream. Maybe you just need to be reminded. So here it is… and chances are if you clicked on this post and read it this far it’s because something about it is resonating with you. There’s a fire in your soul trying to push you into action, so start listening! Tune into that gut feeling, trust that the Universe will have your back no matter how big, or crazy, or scary your dreams are. Practice visualizing exactly what you want all the way down to the pennies on your paycheck and the date on the calendar. You have the power to attract everything you desire, so commit to making positive changes, modifying your mindset and manifesting the shit out of your dreams! You got this.