Getting Fired From My Dream Job: What I Learned

Is it just me or has 2019 been hard AF?

I feel like I’ve learned so many lessons this year, been tested like never before, and experienced immense personal growth. People often talk about growth as if it’s some super cool, elevating and fun experience, but the truth is, growth kinda sucks.

When you’re in a period of growth it means you’re living totally out of your comfort zone where new things (good, bad, and stressful) are being thrown at you constantly. Growth is overwhelming, It’s challenging. And most times it doesn’t feel like growth at all - it feels like drowning. If 2019 has been a year of tough love and difficult transitions for you too, then I think you’ll resonate with this story. And if this year has been a piece of cake, walk in the park, margarita on the beach for you, then I think you’ll find these lessons really helpful in preparing you for your next period of growth, change, and levelling-up.

I’M A PUSHER

I don’t know about you, but I’m a pusher. I’m the type of person who just pushes through no matter what. Disappointment, failure, success, achievement - doesn’t matter. I’m always pushing through, rarely stopping to lean into the pain or celebrate the wins. But I’ve recently learned that self-reflection is time well spent and SO powerful. So here’s a little reflection of my most challenging experience this year…

“WE’RE GONNA HAVE TO LET YOU GO”

Almost exactly a year ago I was fired unexpectedly from my “dream job.”

It was a normal day. I woke up early to take my dog for a walk, make breakfast and do my morning routine before sitting down at my dining room table and firing up my laptop. At the time I was working from home full time (bless!) for a meditation brand. The company was owned by an influencer who I had followed on Instagram for some time and interned for for six months prior to getting hired as their first official pay-roll employee. At this point I had already travelled with them on two work trips where we ran small group yoga and meditation retreats in luxury destinations. It really was the opportunity of a lifetime.

As I sat down to log in to Skype and get started on my tasks for the day I discovered I’d been locked out of all emails, team websites and the social accounts I was usually responsible for managing. My heart dropped all the way into my butt. I knew what was coming.

I heard that dreadful sentence, “We’re gonna have to let you go” and I felt like all the air had been sucked out of my lungs. I was told that based on my Instagram and personal blog content I was no longer the best person for the job. Based on the things I had been sharing they saw me as wanting to do my own thing and be my own boss and they needed someone who was willing to be more “behind the scenes.” I was gutted. Wasn’t my ambition and drive what made me an excellent employee? Wasn’t my passion for yoga, mindset, and motivating others completely aligned with their mission as a company? Maybe they saw that as a threat. I guess I’ll never really know. But I never hid these passions of mine from anyone, I even explicitly expressed my interest in becoming a yoga teacher to my boss and asked for her advice and guidance. They always knew that I was multi-passionate and extremely motivated to keep reaching for more, but now it was no longer seen as an asset, but rather something that un-qualified me from a job I had worked really hard at.

I was always on time, a team player, gave my best effort, worked overtime, and accepted a salary well below my worth because I believed in the mission of the company and knew they genuinely couldn’t afford to pay me more. Up until 8am that morning everything had been business-as-usual and my boss had never expressed any concern for my work ethic or contributions so the whole thing just took me completely off guard. The thing that hit me the hardest though was that my boss didn’t even show up for the call, she had her boyfriend and business partner fire me. And then I never heard from her again. No email, no text, no “Sorry it didn’t work out, but I wish you the best.”

The thing is, she wasn’t just a boss to me. She was a mentor. She took me under her wing and gave me the opportunity of a lifetime. She taught me so much. She paid for me to travel to Greece and Indonesia and learn how to run incredible retreats. I stayed in her house in Bali and shared every meal with her for two weeks. I showered in her bathroom, swam in her pool, and watched Ocean’s 8 with her on the floor of her lounge room. We Skyped everyday as we worked on epic projects together. She was more than my boss - she was my friend.

I cried. I really couldn’t believe it. Four days before my 25th birthday and I was left unemployed and income-less in a foreign country. Doubt hit hard. “What am I doing with my life? I’m almost 25, buried in student debt and back to square one with my career.”

WHEN SHIT HITS THE FAN

I had trusted in the Universe and took a leap of faith by leaving all my “safe” teaching jobs behind to fully commit to this role, so when it was suddenly ripped away it made me question everything, especially my faith and all that I had learned and preached about the Universe having my back.

But still I refused to wallow... “gotta push through” was my attitude. I’m a pusher, remember? I put my big girl pants on and got to work. Within a few hours I was able to get some previous job contacts in Spain to offer me several positions (praise!) I knew I’d be okay, so I just… moved on. I put my head down and kept pushing.

The problem with that was - I never allowed myself the time or space to lean into the pain of the experience. It was easier to just say, “fuck that” and keep on moving. But the truth is I was really hurt. I felt betrayed. Abandoned. Not good enough. Like a failure. A complete idiot.

I had never been fired from anything in my life before. I’m a 3 on the enneagram - a classic type A ‘Achiever.’ This means that my perception of my worth is entirely wrapped up in my ability to succeed, perform, and appear like I’ve got it all together. Honestly, nothing had ever challenged my self worth as much as this.

For months afterwards every time I would go to boxing I’d feel all the emotions resurface. Anger, sadness, defiance, tears. It was the strangest feeling because I truly thought I was over it. I couldn’t understand why it was coming back to me so strongly in waves as I jab-crossed the shit out of the bag. Now I know that it was my higher self trying to remind me that there was still a lot of shit that I had buried. “You’re not gonna get away with not feeling this” it was saying.

It took me months to admit to myself that I wasn’t over it yet. At that point I already had a new job, was creating my own content online and working hard on building my dream - but just because you’ve moved on from something physically doesn’t mean you’ve moved on emotionally. It takes more than just doing new things, it requires feeling your feelings. Leaning into the pain, allowing the sadness to resurface, journaling about it, crying about it, writing emails you’ll never send about it, and talking to people you trust about it.

THE LESSON: WHERE I’M AT NOW

So, as I sit here and reflect back on the past year before gearing up for 2020, I’ve realized just how important this process of letting go has been for me. If I hadn’t put in the emotional work and gotten painfully honest with myself I never would have cleared all that negative energy out and made space for the beauty and abundance that is now pouring into my life.

I launched my first coaching course in the Fall and with only seven clients I was able to bring in more monthly income than my previous employer had ever offered me. Combine that with my new teaching position (that I actually love) and I’ve more than doubled my income this year. I tell you this as a reminder that even when we think we’ve screwed up, gotten off course, made a wrong decision, or been pushed into a situation where we don’t belong, we are STILL on the path. We are still being guided. We are still on our way to exactly where we’re meant to be.

The hard truth about growth is that it fucking hurts. It feels like doubt, fear, sadness, worry, and uncertainty. But it’s the only way to the next level of your life. When I got fired I felt like I had failed, like I was 25 years old without a clue as to where my life was going. And even then, the Universe fully had my back. I can look back now and deep in my core find gratitude for absolutely all of it.

ALL FOR THE BEST

I’m so glad it didn’t work out. Because it was never meant to. I was meant to learn all that I did, and then be pushed out of the nest and forced to find my own wings.

Sometimes God/Source/the Universe has to physically push us out of our comfort zone so that we can reach our full potential. If hard things never happened to us we’d never be forced to grow. We’d never learn the lessons necessary to take us to the next stage of our life. We’d never be prepared for what’s to come or have the tools to get where we’re meant to go.

At first this experience made me doubt whether or not I was on the right path. It made me question my trust in the Universe and my belief that “everything is always working out for me.” But now, it has only strengthened it. Now, I can stand even firmer in my beliefs, lean further into trust, and be more confident in teaching others to do the same. Because I’ve seen it, I’ve lived it, and I know it is so freaking real.

Whether you choose to believe it or not, the Universe has your back, sis. Through thick and thin. Even your pain is serving a purpose. Everything is always working out for you. I hope and pray that you can feel it.

xo

Sam